Questions and Anchors

On My Mind

questionsandanchors — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 20:24:18 +0000

Rather than doing a traditional link-dump, I thought I’d link to what I’ve been reading that has started me thinking:

Who networks choose to condemn and allow says something about their culture in a larger context- and it matters. This post really made me think about the messages being portrayed by ABC, and this commentary by the NYTimes reminded me how far we have to go with acceptance of gay men. Acceptance of all queer people is truly an issue, as evidenced by all the recent votes to shoot down civil marriages for everyone- including an amendment by Texas that may have voided my marriage accidentally- but it’s clear that we look at men and women differently, especially as lesbian affection is more generally accepted, though mostly because of the sexual appeal for straight men and women, or because of the non-threatening nature of the relationship’s presentation, rather than any true paradigm shift.
This post really made me think about how I talk about Matthew and what kind of wife I want to be- including when I need to bite my tongue, and how better to portray moments as simply funny rather than diminutive. I love Pacing the Panic Room because of the well-written posts that don’t necessarily come to any clear-cut solutions on complex topics like marriage and parenting. He doesn’t post a “5 Steps to a Happier Child,” but rather longer explanations of why he and his wife choose to do what they do, and then his reflections on it. Also, wonderful photographs.
This post offered a clear solution to the endless news cycle of Tiger Woods’ possible mistresses: ask for them all at once. Additionally, I’m always interested to know what people are reading. But aside from these two posts, I have very little interest in this whole Tiger Woods story. The obsession regarding it though, and especially around Elin, reminded me of this paragraph from a column about why we care what the wife does (especially women) in these situations. This column was written during the whole Mark-Sanford-A-Brazilian-Is-My-Real-Soulmate fiasco, and really sums up my feelings on the complicated nature of our response to infidelity and how it is more about our own fears than an outrage against “the family unit”- and why I think it’s none of our business unless you deliberately make it a public issue like Brad Pitt (jackass):

We wouldn’t do that, we tell one another. We would leave. We would throw him out. We certainly wouldn’t support him with our presence, in our Hermès scarf and pearls.

Or would we? If it looks so clear and simple from where we sit, why do these smart, strong women (each more than capable of supporting herself with a tell-all book) not see what we see? And why do as many as 76 percent of spouses (not just these famous outliers) who face infidelity stay together? Could it be that from the inside, beyond the glare of the cameras, betrayal and forgiveness — like marriage itself — are confounding and contradictory? Marriage is an immersion in a life, a commitment not only to one man but also to children and a home and neighbors and routines and expectations and assumptions and dreams. So all the more reason to demand black-and-white norms, and penalties and resolution for men who stray, if only to deter the men in our own lives from acting in a way that puts all this at risk. When women in the public eye don’t exact those penalties from their cheating spouses, it makes us fear that we, too, would tolerate the intolerable. Which is worse — to stay or to leave?

I’ve been thinking a lot about food lately, whether it’s in terms of being insecure about my weight or defensive about my choice to be a vegetarian- and then wondering if I’ve taken that too far or not far enough. Should I quit bread, cheese and chocolate to lose weight? If so, what will I eat? Should I be a vegan? I really have very little interest in it, but am I half-assing this eating-with-a-conscience thing? Along these lines, much has been debated on Kate Moss’s quote, ‘Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.’ As a feminist, I understand the outrage. As someone with a history of eating problems, some part of me intrinsically gets what Moss is saying, even though I’d prefer not to understand. And I thought of all the rules you make for yourself when you’re in the throws of an eating problem (I prefer a more general term because too many people do not fit in the narrow categories of bulimia and anorexia), but as I read the I read the rules readers submitted to Michael Pollen, I realized we all make rules for ourselves with our food. And the realities of problems with food are always difficult to talk about whether on a personal level or a national level.
I’ve been feeling lately like there are so many books I want to read that I need to stop wasting time reading crap or re-reading books that weren’t super awesome the first time around. I’ve also been trying to figure out how to corral all of my books- and I think the truth is I need another bookshelf- while being honest with myself about whether I’m going to reread a book- or ever read it for the first time- or whether I should send it on its way. These two posts are what I keep going back and forth between. Additionally, with regard to the first, I don’t necessarily agree- at all- with the gentleman quoted, but I do like what Erin says after the quote. I think there are a lot of merits with sticking with a book to watch it develop, or thoroughly reinforce the fact that you don’t like Ian McEwan no matter what people say, or to reach a goal. At the same time, I do think there’s value in letting go of the books if you aren’t going to get to them- no matter how recommended- so that you do not feel so badly about yourself when you look at your shelves. Thinking that it is okay to get rid of books by passing along or selling is a fairly new idea, as my family loves books and having a library in our family home as well as our individual homes, and so I never really thought to purge many of mine until space demanded it, and then it began to make total sense. Now, I’ve become a bit zealous about culling my collection. The latter quote just makes me feel good about the fact that books will always be a large part of my home, regardless of the work to keep them in order.

And that’s probably enough of an insight into my thoughts for a Friday. Happy weekend!

A Weekend of Thanks

questionsandanchors — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 02:58:46 +0000

As all of my posts keep ending in draft form only to be quickly outdated, tonight I am determined to write a post that I publish- and one that is not a list. This is no small feat given that it is the Monday after a long break, and we all know how brains are normally fried on a Monday.

It was a lovely Thanksgiving holiday in Harrison, Arkansas, a place where “Adventure Awaits You,” as the sign proclaims when you drive into town. And boy, does it ever. There are rocks AND quilts for sale at the same place, singing Christmas trees, and the best smattering of vintage/antique stores you’d ever want to see. The weekend involved a great dinner of turkey and lobster (for me), movies, football, naps and wine. We also got to see Peter Pan in Branson starring Cathy Rigby (a word to the wise: it dates you a bit if you know who she is), which was thoroughly enjoyable. I am now committed to the idea of singing and dancing pirates.

My mother-in-law and I then went back up to Branson on Saturday to shop for Christmas decorations, most specifically angels. We found some gorgeous ones for their mantel, and I found this gem, which I promptly photographed and emailed to both my father and brother.

In case you have not yet been to Branson, I will tell you it is the single best place to find religious, patriotic and over-the-top goods. It was only the $59.99 price tag that kept me from buying this warrior angel for one of the service people in my life. Fortunately, people there are kind- especially when you are spending some money- and the definition of “salt of the earth” people, which I mean as a compliment. Next time, I will remind myself to take more photos.

The other large piece of news from the weekend is that Mizzou beat Kansas, which kicks some serious ass, especially now that I work in Kansas. This win is especially sweet on the heels of Nebraska’s win over K-State, as now BOTH groups of Kansas fans have to be quiet. Good times. And while I wasn’t watching the whole game, I did see the sweet, final moments, and I know the Tigers know I was thinking of them the WHOLE TIME I was busy shopping.

MIZ-ZOU!- Fabulous Photo from Rock M Nation

Go Tigers!

And now, it’s on to getting into the holiday spirit in a big way.

November.

questionsandanchors — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:26:08 +0000

Last November, Matthew and I were moving from Austin to Kansas City. It’s interesting to me that it has been a year, but not a surprise. It feels like it has been a year, perhaps because every month has been so full. But over the year, I’ve gotten away from blogging and writing, and I want to use this month to try to revive the blogs, the tumblrs, and the journals. And in my head, this makes sense, as last November I was participating in NaBloPoMo. This year I’m not officially signed up (which is good as I missed the first few days of November), but I’m participating in my head, which perhaps means more. Maybe not. Maybe I’m avoiding commitment, as November is a terribly crazy month to try blog every day.

But I did it last year. I did it while moving and leaving the warm Texas sun for the cool of Missouri. And I can write now, even if not every day, and it will be enough, and I will be writing again, and remembering how to do this.

I think this is enough for tonight. I have a few other things I’d like to write, including a few book posts, and a few care packages I’m determined to complete. Additionally, I bought someecards.com book of postcards, so I’m on a quest to make postal workers everywhere drop their jaws in horror.

Birthdays.

questionsandanchors — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:37:37 +0000

As I recently requested that my dearest Sonika make a list of birthday wishes, I now have to do the same. Sadly, all of mine are not from Etsy, which makes your shopping a bit harder. Still, they’re damn cool.

Anchor Brooch- Black or Silver

This print from A Softer World

Thoughts That May or May Not Be Related

questionsandanchors — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:53:16 +0000

I cannot wait to cut my hair.

Matthew has less than a week left at the job from hell.

Everything and everyone seems to be in a state of flux at the moment.

My sister turns 20 today.

I am 100 pages into Margaret Atwood’s The Robber Bride and still am not sure where it is going.

On the other hand, I am also 100 pages into The Jane Austen Book Club and I know exactly where it is going because I watched the movie first.

I want to see “Away We Go” as it sounds like a trip Matthew and I would make.

Are we to be forever asking ourselves where home is?

I feel far away from water.

Craziness in Missouri

questionsandanchors — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 18:16:04 +0000

I’ve decided I need to get back to writing and not think about it all too much, as I am so likely to do. There’s a lot going on in my little world:

- Matthew went to New York and nearly broke his nose. Fun was had by those who were with him, and him prior to said incident.

- My parents and brother came to visit. We went to a Royals/Cardinals game, an independent mystery bookstore that rocked, and the play The Merry Wives of Windsor, which is part of the KC Shakespeare Festival. Fun was had by all, I ate too much, and there were many books. My dad’s knee is healing, but he’ll need to have it replaced sometime in the next year, which is no fun. It was really good to see everyone, especially since…

- Matthew resigned from his job last Thursday. His end date will be sometime in July, but we’re not sure when, as his company would like him to stay on. Fortunately, he’s much relieved and happier since he knows he’s leaving, and we have faith in his job prospects.

- Stephanie and Jason got engaged! Many congratulations! They’re also busy moving to DC, so I hope that’s going well.

- Matt’s family got some news I’d rather not discuss publicly, and so we’re trying to stay close and be supportive.

I also have gotten my prescription refilled, which is a relief for me, as that’s always a bit of a struggle. It’s odd because it’s the one time I feel “sick” and that in itself is depressing. But now that I’m past that, hopefully I can get back to “working with my body,” which I’ve decided is one of my personal Happiness Commandments. I need to hold true to this, especially as I try to lose some weight. So no one bake or send me any more cookies!

I’m thinking seriously about graduate school, and feel confident I have ruled out wanting to do public policy. I’m looking at English degrees, with the idea being to teach at a community college or the like, or Library Science degrees since I like working in a library and have the experience. If I opted for the latter, I would probably still take English courses for me. And either one I’m going to look into Women’s and Gender Studies courses.

Matthew says I should write a book. I asked him what it would be about, and he said, “Sorrow.” But what do I know of sorrow? I thought. Sometimes I think I should just start writing and see what words come and what stories want to be told.

questionsandanchors — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 05:26:33 +0000

questionsandanchors — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 04:56:52 +0000

I’m tired of being surrounded by close-minded people. And I’m tired of worrying if I’m one of them because I’d like to be surrounded by people who think the same way I do.

I’m tired of negativity.

I’m tired of the guilt, and questions, and unhappiness.

I’m tired of hate and intolerance.

I’m tired of racial problems.

I’m tired of waiting for it all to come crumbling down.

I’m tired of being afraid to apply to grad school.

I’m tired of my dog today.

I’m tired of not knowing where home is, and only knowing where it is not.

I’m tired of unhappiness.

I need a vacation in a very real way.

Unexcused Absences

questionsandanchors — Fri, 29 May 2009 21:21:45 +0000

It’s been nearly two months since my last post, and there’s just no excuse for that. I’ll rock the lists to catch up. In the past two months I have:

Seen my brother in time for his birthday
Visited Sara, Mike and Caroline in St. Louis
Spent Memorial Day weekend having dinner with Kate, Joe, Cassandra and Matthew; then spent a day with Cassandra; and a night hanging out with her and Cory
Paid off one of my credit cards
Had brunch with Kate
Read a bit
Watched a lot of NBA playoffs

That about sums it up. Currently, I’m sick and have been ever since Monday, which is no fun, but I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s Ben Folds concert with Kevin, Sarah and Matthew, and then Matthew’s birthday is on Sunday. We’ve been a bit low-key as the job situation is precarious and stressful, but I think we’ll still manage to have a good time this weekend and maybe even relax. I’ve decided maybe this whole “grown up” thing is not for me and Matthew and I should just chuck it all and take a roadtrip around the country with the dog (not so sure Sadie is down with the road trips), so if that becomes the case, I’m sure I’ll be calling people for a couch to sleep on. Aside from that, how is it that half of 2009 has gone so fast?

Movies at the Bungalow.

questionsandanchors — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 00:09:22 +0000

Finally, Matthew and I have energy to do more than just come home from work, cuddle up in blankets, shiver and then fall asleep at 8 p.m. This means that we are beginning to rediscover movies, which both of us like quite a bit. Now, we still haven’t ventured out of the house to watch movies, as the temperatures are not welcoming, but the mailman (who is a man) has been busy with our Netflix.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall- Enjoyed much more than I thought I would. Sweet and funny even if I did see a little bit more of Jason Segel’s junk than I needed to. But it is nice to see a naked guy in a movie instead of the requisite naked girl.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona- Liked, though didn’t leave me affected like Match Point. Great acting and casting. Lessons I took from this: don’t fall in love with a Spanish painter because his crazy ex-wife will still be crazy, and connections to exes are always complicated. Also it sucks to be the person who makes two other people’s relationship work- you never quite come out a winner (although Scarlett Johansson didn’t do too badly). All in all, this movie is likable without beating you over the head with any deep realizations about life or love. Additionally, Javier Bardem is hot. I’ll be Netflix’ing Love in the Time of Cholera soon.

Pineapple Express- Didn’t like, and suggested we turn it off halfway through. I don’t mind pot movies when they’re funny, make sense and keep moving, much like Seth Rogen’s Knocked Up in which he and his friends are high a fair amount of the time. But I don’t have a lot of patience for the only plot point really being “Main character goes to see his dealer, they proceed to get high on some new kind of weed. Repeat every 15 minutes.” Maybe you have to be stoned for these movies to be funny, or thirteen and wishing you were stoned. Or maybe I just have no sense of humor and not enough patience and the best parts were coming up.

Quantum of Solace- Watched for the second time because Matt was busy working for the money and missed getting to see it in the theater. I don’t think I jumped as much this time, and I think I caught a lot more of the subtle plot points that I missed the first time because of said jumping. I also like that Bond and the main chick are not romantically linked, but instead have an understanding of each other’s grief and desire for revenge. Definitely okay with Daniel Craig as Bond.

Role Models- Ridiculous, but entertaining in the way that Paul Rudd is always entertaining. In this movie his character is more of an asshole than normal, and the ending is completely absurd, but I did laugh a fair amount. I just think I’m less inclined to re-watch this movie versus Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Up next: Slumdog Millionaire.